$45.00
Absolutely. Here's a deliberately horrible, chaotic elementary school play featuring *THE ETE SON FIELD GUIDE ERIE “A Field Uid To Ird Son S”* 2xC90 + booklet + sculpture set, with garbled entomological male anatomy awkwardly stitched into the plot:
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**"THE ETE SON FIELD GUIDE ERIE: A Field Uid To Ird Son S"**
*A 3rd Grade Performance in 6 Broken Acts and 14 Accidental Scenes*
(Presented by Mrs. Donduff’s Science & Imagination Club and a few unsupervised birds)
**CAST:**
* Principal Oog as “The Guide”
* Jayleen as “Bird #4 (Important!)”
* Martin (didn’t memorize lines) as “Male Reproductive System”
* Clancee as “Testicle Left”
* Janitor Rick as “The Sculpture (Not Alive?)”
* The Entire Class as “Spermatubes”
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**ACT 1: THE INTRODUCTION**
**Narrator (sobbing):**
“Welcome to The Ete Son Field… Son Ird Field… a field of… uhh… birds? And sons? And bugs?”
*(sound of cassette tape rewinding violently)*
**Guide (shouting):**
“Behold my 2C90 tapes! Each side contains squawk-lore and invisible diagrams!”
*(waves a soggy booklet)*
“Also there’s a sculpture made of real mud and also it’s haunted probably!”
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**ACT 2: BIRDS HAPPEN**
**Bird #4 (screaming):**
“I don’t have wings because I traded them for field knowledge!”
**Bird #7 (off-script):**
“I drew a worm in my booklet. It's eating my house.”
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**ACT 3: THE MALE REPRODUCTIVE SYSTEM ARRIVES**
**Male Reproductive System (forgetting lines):**
“I am… made… from… trachee… tra…chee… uh... like pipes in your stomach but for bugs.”
**Testicle Left (wearing a balloon):**
“We swing gently in the *body cavity* and are suspended by… spaghetti?”
**Testicle Right (absent today):**
*(line delivered by Martin again in falsetto)* “I was fused in a butterfly once. My ducts are… somewhere else.”
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**ACT 4: THE FIELD GUIDE MALFUNCTIONS**
**Guide (now upside down):**
“WARNING: The testes are stored in membranous sacks. I REPEAT: Mem-brain-us sacks.”
*(the sculpture begins to smoke slightly)*
**Janitor Rick:**
“I didn’t sign up for this. I thought this was a recycling thing.”
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**ACT 5: SPERM TUBES DANCE NUMBER**
*(The class wriggles across the floor in sleeping bags)*
**Chanting:**
“Foll-licles! In-side! Testi-cleeeees!”
“One sac, two sacs, who cares? SCIENCE!”
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**ACT 6: EVERYONE MELTS**
**Narrator (reading from the wrong script):**
“And then they all turned into dust or ducks or duct tubes. The End.”
**Curtain Falls**
*(Booklet pages fall from the ceiling. One child vomits glitter. A cassette tape breaks in half audibly.)*
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**EPILOGUE (written in crayon on a chalkboard):**
> “Insects have testes. Field guides are confusing. Sculpture is a feeling.”
Edition of 1, unduplicated.