$45.00
Inside the **TEST LAB OF SCALES**, a building calibrated in grams, light-years, and forgotten synonyms, the acetate 7" *“Name Swallowing”* rotated on a turntable made of compressed constellations. Each groove consumed a word and replaced it with a slightly heavier silence.
A sign flickered:
> **ALL NAMES SUBJECT TO GRAVITATIONAL MISPRONUNCIATION**
The mix CD hovered nearby, labeled in dissolving ink:
* *Dawn Vomits Fire in Sector 3* – 4:20
* *The Great Insect Impact: Comas Sola’s Gravitational Tantrum* – 13:05
* *Alpha Centauri I: The Chimes of Stellar Amnesia*
* *The Amniotic Flood of the Plejadian Hologods* – 20:00
Each track leaked **mutated astrophysics**, equations with feelings, constants that blinked.
---
### GRAPH 1: MASS OF A NAME VS ITS WILLINGNESS TO BE SWALLOWED
```id="k2w2f1"
Mass (kg?)
|
| ██████████ (Proper Nouns Screaming)
| ███████ (Track Titles)
| █████ (Scientific Terms)
| ████ (Casual Words)
| ██ (Whispers)
|_
→ Swallow Probability (%)
```
Conclusion: The heavier the name, the more eagerly it disappears.
---
Track 34 begins playing, though the lab insists it is Track 2.5.
**“Dawn Vomits Fire in Sector 3”** is not audio but a sunrise malfunction. Light spills in reverse, igniting shadows first. Sector 3 coughs up flares shaped like punctuation marks. Commas burn the brightest.
A technician (designation: Scale-∆Mirth) attempts to stabilize the system using a **curative compound** labeled:
```id="p9q7zs"
GRUB-VOID / CHLORO-ORBITAL EMULSION
Apply once to reality
Repeat next summer if stars itch
```
The instructions whisper:
* Keep the **infested lawn of spacetime** watered
* Fertilize with minor constants (π fragments, loose e)
* Reapply orbits annually or the collapse will return in fall
* Immediately irrigate with **0.5 inches of memory**
No one knows what inches mean anymore, but they pour it anyway.
---
### GRAPH 2: IRRIGATION DEPTH VS COSMIC STABILITY
```id="7yq3nh"
Stability Index
|
| 100 | ███████████ (0.5 inches exactly)
| 80 | ████████
| 60 | █████
| 40 | ███
| 20 | ██
| 0 |_
Irrigation (inches of something) →
```
At precisely 0.5, the universe sighs and briefly behaves.
---
Track 35 erupts.
**“The Great Insect Impact: Comas Sola’s Gravitational Tantrum”** is a swarm event. Meteoric beetles slam into a planet made of outdated hypotheses. Each impact alters gravity’s mood:
* Irritated gravity pulls sideways
* Apologetic gravity floats upward
* Petty gravity refuses to work on weekends
The insects burrow into equations, laying eggs inside fractions.
A clerk screams:
> “The denominators are hatching!”
---
### GRAPH 3: FRACTION INFESTATION RATE OVER TIME
```id="q0l9xt"
Infestation (%)
|
| 100 |███████████████
| 80 |██████████
| 60 |███████
| 40 |████
| 20 |██
| 0 |_
Time (tantrum cycles) →
```
Mitigation attempt: more watering. The lab floods.
---
Track 36 hums quietly.
**“Alpha Centauri I: The Chimes of Stellar Amnesia”** removes memory from light itself. Stars forget how to shine and instead ring like distant bells. Each chime erases a concept:
* First chime: “velocity” gone
* Second chime: “before” gone
* Third chime: “name” gone
The acetate absorbs these absences, growing smoother, more dangerous.
A note appears on the wall:
```id="u4d8lx"
IF memory < threshold:
reapply compound
fertilize perception
do not trust bells
```
---
### GRAPH 4: MEMORY RETENTION VS CHIME FREQUENCY
```id="jv3p2e"
Memory (%)
|
| 100 |████████████
| 80 |████████
| 60 |██████
| 40 |████
| 20 |██
| 0 |_
Chimes (per eternity) →
```
Higher chimes result in softer identities.
---
Finally, Track 37 floods everything.
**“The Amniotic Flood of the Plejadian Hologods”** arrives as a liquid simulation. The lab dissolves into a warm, recursive ocean where every droplet contains a smaller lab, each with its own acetate, each swallowing slightly different names.
Technicians float, labeled but unreadable.
The curative compound disperses through the fluid, binding to fragments of reality like a patient gardener tending an impossible lawn.
A voice—possibly the lawn—murmurs:
> “Water again next season or I will become insects.”
---
### FINAL GRAPH: NAME DENSITY AFTER TREATMENT
```id="e1m8rk"
Names Remaining
|
| 100 |██████████████
| 80 |█████████
| 60 |██████
| 40 |████
| 20 |██
| 0 |_
Seasons →
```
Without treatment, names drop to zero and everything becomes **gesture**.
With treatment, names persist—but they **taste like soil**.
---
As the flood recedes (or advances inward), the acetate 7" finishes swallowing the last remaining word:
> “TEST”
The lab flickers, now untested, unmeasured, unfed.
A final instruction echoes through the watered cosmos:
> **Maintain regularly. Reapply annually. Do not let the lawn of existence dry out.**
Edition of 1 copy.