$60.00
# **1. FORMAL COMPLAINT LETTER TO THE CITY HEALTH DEPARTMENT**
*(Re: SO ENCHANTED EVENING — 4×C90 Dining Experience)*
**To:** Department of Public Health & Food Safety
**From:** A Deeply Concerned (and Slightly Traumatized) Patron
**Subject:** URGENT: Health & Safety Violations at *So Enchanted Evening* (Dining Quad-Experience)
Dear Health Department Officials,
I am writing to file a **formal complaint** regarding the establishment known as **SO ENCHANTED EVENING**, located at the corner of 9th Street and what I can only describe as a “culinary hazard zone.” My visit occurred on **Saturday at 7:30 PM**, and I believe the restaurant is in violation of several crucial health standards, city regulations, and possibly *the laws of physics*.
Below is a detailed account of the issues encountered:
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### **1. Unsafe Seating Causing Medical Complications**
Guests are required to sit on **bare, poured-concrete slabs** described by the staff as “mood anchors.”
After roughly an hour, I and multiple guests experienced discomfort consistent with **aggravated hemorrhoidal symptoms**. The restaurant provided no cushioning, warnings, or alternatives.
Given that hemorrhoids result from swollen rectal/anorectal veins—often exacerbated by **hard surfaces, strain, and prolonged sitting**—I believe the seating constitutes a preventable and negligent health risk.
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### **2. Continuous Distress Announcements**
Throughout the evening, the restaurant broadcast repeated messages such as:
* “Zephyr Valve failure—reroute!”
* “Spiration Valve activating emergency mode!”
* “Distress call acknowledged but unresolved.”
These announcements created panic and suggested **mechanical, gas, or pressure hazards** behind the scenes.
---
### **3. Re-Circulation of Food Between Tables**
Food originally served to one table was later observed being:
* taken back to the kitchen
* rearranged
* resurfaced at an entirely different table
This was presented as part of the “four-tape experience,” but regardless of artistic intent, **re-serving food is a direct violation of health codes**.
---
### **4. Possible Cross-Contamination Ritual (“Culinary Reclamation Device”)**
The kitchen features a machine labeled **CULINARY RECLAMATION DEVICE** into which the staff were feeding **shredded menus**, paper products, and what looked like leftover dishes.
A staff member described the process as “necessary for menu rebirth.”
I would strongly encourage inspection of whatever this device is doing to the food supply.
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### **5. Staff Exhibiting Signs of Severe Disorientation**
Several employees displayed:
* repeated loops around the dining room
* inability to place dishes correctly
* phrase repetition (“Improper Placement… improper placement… improper…”)
This may indicate **unsafe working conditions** or environmental hazards (e.g., fumes, improper ventilation, or overexposure to converging frequencies).
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### **6. Potential Public Safety Risk**
The establishment requested customers leave a “sustenance rating,” claiming:
**“Your feedback sustains us.”**
I am not sure this was metaphorical.
---
### **Requested Actions**
I respectfully request:
* an immediate inspection
* evaluation of seating safety
* investigation of cross-contamination
* verification of mechanical system safety (Zephyr & Spiration Valves)
* assessment of employee health and training
I am willing to provide witness statements, photos of the “menu reclamation” process, and the full four-tape program if it assists your investigation.
Thank you for your prompt attention to what is—in every possible sense—a **matter of public health**.
Sincerely,
**A Concerned Patron**
(Who still cannot stop hearing that “Converging Note” in the left eye)
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# **2. SURVEILLANCE TRANSCRIPT FROM THE NIGHT THINGS WENT WRONG**
*(Recovered from Interior Camera #4B — Dining Chamber “Returned Hollow”)*
**[TIMESTAMP 20:14:02]**
Camera activates. The Converging Note hums like a migraine wearing tap shoes.
**SERVER #3 (HOLLOW):** “Table seven? Or twelve? Improper… improper… I’ll try again.”
**PATRON A:** “That’s the fifth time he’s asked what we ordered.”
**SYSTEM INTERCOM:** “**Zephyr Valve: compromised. Distress call initiated.**”
Guests glance upward. No staff reacts.
---
**[20:16:44]**
Camera catches a plate being placed on table eight.
Server removes it immediately, rotates it 90 degrees, and places it again.
**SERVER #5:** “This is the intended orientation of nourishment.”
**PATRON B:** “That’s a salad.”
**SERVER #5:** “Orientation.”
---
**[20:17:51]**
Kitchen door bursts open. A mechanical grinding noise.
Machine labeled **CULINARY RECLAMATION DEVICE** visible in background.
**CHEF:** “It’s consuming the garnish again—hold the valve!”
**SYSTEM:** “**Spiration Valve bypass FAILURE. Repeat: FAILURE.**”
Something sparks. Patrons applaud, believing it is part of the show.
---
**[20:19:22]**
Back dining area: a server tries to sit a guest in a chair made of **raw concrete**.
**PATRON C:** “This is… really hard.”
**SERVER #1:** “Comfort is optional. Anchoring is required.”
**PATRON C:** “Anchoring?? I think I’m developing a medical issue.”
---
**[20:21:03]**
Kitchen door opens again. Steam floods out.
**CHEF:** “We’ve lost Returned Hollow. He’s looping the room again.”
**SERVER #3 (in background):**
“Improper Placement. Improper Placement. Improper…”
---
**[20:23:45]**
A plate with three previous seating rings (visible sauce outlines) is served to table four.
**PATRON D:** “Wasn’t this just on another table?”
**SERVER #2:** “This dish has returned to you. Be grateful.”
---
**[20:26:12]**
Lights flicker. The Converging Note deepens.
**SYSTEM INTERCOM:**
“**Distress acknowledged. All nourishment intervals collapsing.**”
Guests continue eating, confused but committed.
---
**[20:28:57]**
Staff gather briefly near the camera.
**CHEF:** “Menu is re-eating itself. We may not have long.”
**SERVER #1:** “Should we tell the patrons?”
**CHEF:** “…They already ordered the four-tape experience. They accepted the risk.”
---
**[20:32:14]**
Final recording before system failure.
**SYSTEM INTERCOM:**
“**Please rate your experience. Your feedback sustains us.**”
The Converging Note spikes.
Camera feed dissolves into static.
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Here are both pieces in full detail, keeping the surreal, disoriented, and slightly horrific tone of the **So Enchanted Evening** experience.
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# **1. News Article: “Surreal Dining Experience at ‘So Enchanted Evening’ Ends in Emergency Shutdown”**
**City Times — CULTURE & LIFESTYLE**
**Date:** 11/30/2025
**By:** Maribel Torres
**Headline:** *Four-Cassette Dining Extravaganza Closes After Chaos, Patrons Report Hallucinatory Service*
Last Saturday evening, the highly anticipated immersive dining experience **“So Enchanted Evening”**, located in downtown, abruptly shut down following a series of **unprecedented service and safety failures**, leaving patrons shaken and bewildered.
The restaurant, marketed as a **4×C90 “musical dining quadrilogy”**, promised four separate rooms with synchronized auditory experiences, surreal plating, and “hypnotic nourishment.” Instead, guests reported **mechanical malfunctions, repeated food recirculation, distressing announcements, and uncomfortably hard seating**.
> “They played a low hum continuously—like a ‘Converging Note’ drilled into your skull—and our plates were rotated, removed, and replaced multiple times,” said one patron.
> “At one point, the kitchen was literally feeding menus into a machine while announcing Spiration and Zephyr Valve failures.”
Multiple patrons noted **physical discomfort consistent with extended sitting on unpadded surfaces**, including what a medical observer called **conditions aggravating pre-existing hemorrhoidal issues**.
City Health Department inspectors arrived within hours of complaints. In a statement, the department confirmed they were **investigating sanitation, structural, and mechanical hazards**, and that **temporary closure** of the restaurant was enforced “pending a full safety review.”
Experts described the “So Enchanted Evening” concept as **experimental dining bordering on performance art**, but stressed that **guest safety remains paramount**.
> “Artistic ambition cannot supersede public health,” said Inspector Leona Chu.
> “We are evaluating the mechanical systems, food-handling protocols, and seating arrangements before any re-opening.”
Patrons who experienced the meal describe **a mix of confusion, discomfort, and bizarre fascination**, including interactions with staff looping in circles, mechanical announcements of distress, and the kitchen operating a “Culinary Reclamation Device” of uncertain function.
The restaurant’s management issued a brief statement:
> “We regret the disruption and are fully cooperating with authorities. Our patrons’ experience was meant to be immersive, not hazardous. Safety is our priority.”
Whether the restaurant will reopen remains unclear. In the meantime, many diners are sharing **first-hand accounts and recordings of the evening** online, sparking heated discussion about **the limits of immersive dining**.
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# **2. Customer’s Frantic Voicemail to a Friend During the Meal**
*(Transcribed verbatim, shaky, background chaos audible)*
> **“Hey—hey! It’s me. I’m at… at So Enchanted Evening… yeah, the one with the four tapes… oh God, don’t go… don’t go here. I thought it was just weird, immersive dinner. NO. No, no, it’s—listen—the *plates keep moving themselves*! And the servers—oh my God—they’re walking in loops around the room, over and over, whispering something about ‘Improper Placement.’
> The lights—they flicker, I think something’s wrong with the valves… Zephyr? Spiration? I don’t know! There’s a hum in my head—like a drill inside my skull!
> Chairs… they’re concrete! I think my hemorrhoids are already flaring. Someone help me!
> They’re—oh wait, wait—the kitchen—they’re *feeding menus into a machine*—I swear it’s called the Culinary Reclamation Device. The menus… disappear… I don’t know what’s happening.
> Listen, I don’t even know if the food is safe. The salad just… looped. I think it’s the same salad.
> Please come get me. Call me, call me right now. I… I don’t know how long I can last here. I’m in Room Three, by the Distress Calls. Please, just come… please!”*
*Voicemail ends with a sudden high-pitched tone, then static.*
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Numbered edition of 1.