$35.00
"The Kreme of Pluto"
A Jealousy-Fueled Tale of Engines, Ice, and Developmental Deviance
by RACING STORE – from the 2CD set "Kreme"
Track One: "Frozen Grid / Haplo Dip Low"
It started on Sector 9 of the Kuiper Circuit—Pluto’s crown jewel of frozen curves and screaming boosters. But the engines that once sang in synchronized atomic harmony now sputtered, cracked, and cried.
Why?
Because jealousy had seeped into the fuel lines.
Racers were no longer selected by torque ratios or clutch telemetry, but by chromosomal arrogance.
In the pit of the Kreme Dome, beneath layers of polystyrene helmets and exhaust incense, the talk turned cold:
“You hear about Paedomorpho-Jaxx?”
“Kid never pupated. Still kept larval traits. But damn, he drifts.”
“That’s not fair, man. I had to evolve twice just to get into Second Gear.”
The new racers—some haplodiploid, some hermaphroditic—weren’t playing by the old rules.
Half-born from gamete anomalies and track-breeding scandals, they could reproduce, accelerate, and pit-stop all at once.
The old guard—four-wheeled warriors built from polished alloy and honor—couldn’t compete.
Their jealousy boiled under antifreeze skin.
Track Two: "Partheno-Grit / CD2 Drift Failure"
Partheno-Tess, a self-replicating hoverracer, won five circuits in a row without a crew.
She laid her own spare tires.
She didn't even need ignition.
She just split and drove.
“That’s not racing,” grumbled GearBeard, an old V8 hybrid with chrome knuckles.
“That’s mitosis with wheels.”
The jealous machines began to sabotage—spilling cryo-oil across turns, hacking telemetry signals with bee-dialect code, blocking tracks with drone swarms disguised as pit flags.
But the new ones—Karyotype Flyers, Diploid Zoners, Morpho Clutches—they were too adaptive.
One lap, they were hatchbacks.
The next, they had wings.
Track Three: "Sexual Dimorphburn / Final Lap Lust"
Racers with dual systems began to seduce their rivals' pit crews, luring them away with spliced telemetry and pheromone fog.
Loyalty eroded like tire tread in methane hail.
And the final race?
It wasn’t won by speed.
It was won by envy—the engine-mad Polymorpho-Daxx, a racer with seventeen phenotypes and a horned fuselage, crossed the finish line screaming.
Then split into four winners.
Track Four: "Kreme Closes / Pluto Opens"
By the end, the jealous old racers rusted beneath Pluto’s lavender sky, watching the next-gen drive sideways through dimensions.
No one remembered horsepower.
Only chromosome count.
And deep in the second CD, if you listen in reverse, you’ll hear:
“They didn’t race faster.
They were born to win.”
Endless jealousy.
Endless laps.
Endless Kreme.
Edition of 1, numbered.