$35.00
"Unconventional Tinder Date: "The Canine Connoisseur and JRS THE SPYKED"
**INT. QUIRKY COFFEE SHOP - NIGHT**
The coffee shop is brimming with oddball decorations: paintings of animals in spacesuits and mismatched furniture that looks like it was salvaged from a thrift store explosion. **GALACTIC GRIN (GG)**, a stylish individual struggling with tongue issues, arrives nervously, glancing around for their date, **DOG FOOD FACE (DFF)**.
**ANGLE ON GG**
They check their phone and swipe through some reminders on personal hygiene—“Clip your fingernails and toenails short and keep them clean,” they mutter to themselves.
**DFF'S ENTRANCE**
Suddenly, the door swings open, and in strides DFF, fully decked out in a dramatic LOBULAR MASQUE and an outfit inspired by PULMONARY NIGHTMARES—shimmering reds and blues that scream “artistic genius.” They're wearing a particularly proud grin, with splatters of what look like dog food artfully smeared across their cheeks.
**DFF**
*(loudly, with confidence)*
Greetings, fellow foodie! Ready to embark on a taste journey?
**GG**
*(taken aback)*
Um… taste journey? Is that what that is?
**DFF**
*gestures to their face*
This? It’s my homage to Chicken and Rice. Can't go wrong with a classic!
**ANGLE ON COFFEE SHOP TABLE**
Tension tightens briefly as GG glances at the music playing in the background—J.R.S.'s "Untitled Acetate & CD Mix," a cacophony of strange sounds and beats.
**DFF**
*(excitedly)*
Ah! J.R.S.! This mix is like a fine wine. Just gives you—*randomly starts dancing*—a sense of freedom!
**GG**
*(awkwardly joining the dance)*
Yeah, freedom… I guess?
**UNEXPECTED SEGMENT**
The quirky barista, dressed as a pirate with a parrot-shaped shoulder tattoo, wanders over, intrigued.
**BARISTA**
What can I get you? Or should I ask, what’s your flavor tonight?
**DFF**
Oh, I'll have the "Bark Brew!" The best dog-inspired latte in town!
**GG**
*whispering to the barista*
Just make mine a regular coffee, please. I can't handle dog cuisine.
**THE STRANGE CONNECTION**
When their drinks arrive, DFF opens a purse full of expired dog food cans and goes through them one by one as if flipping through a collection of rare vinyl records.
**DFF**
*(enthusiastically)*
Ah, the Turkey & Sweet Potato flavor—a delightful encounter of soft texture and rich mouthfeel, don’t you think?
**GG**
*(laughing nervously)*
Is that supposed to be a turn-on?
**DFF**
*(deadpan)*
For some, absolutely. But we can talk about hygiene then if it helps—like changing socks and underwear at least once a day!
**ANGLE ON GG**
Their face contorts briefly—a fleeting look of horror passing over their features as they try to wrap their mind around the comedy of it all.
**GG**
*(gently)*
Definitely something we should not skip… or share, right?
**DFF**
Yes! No sharing clothing, towels, or sheets! *pauses* Athletes prevent ringworm, you know. Shower right after practice…
**BACK TO THE MUSIC**
Suddenly, a distorted beat drops and they both start nodding along. The atmosphere shifts to a surreal dance party at their table.
**DFF**
*(with wild eyes)*
Did you know I dreamt of smiling asteroids last night? They were swirling in the cosmos, brushing dust from their surfaces and giggling!
**GG**
*(laughs uncontrollably)*
Smiling asteroids? That truly sounds like a galactic grin!
**DFF**
*grinning back, but suddenly serious*
But really, my tongue issues are a nightmare—every time I smile, it feels… *gestures wildly* constricting!
**GG**
Right there with you—*touches their cheek*—I have my own dilemmas.
**FINAL MOMENTS AT THE TABLE**
Finally, as the mix spins a bizarre track to a close, DFF leans in closer, excitement brimming in their eyes.
**DFF**
So, what do you say? Another date, sans dog food face?
**GG**
*(holding back laughter)*
Can we maybe have regular food?
**DFF**
Deal! Just promise me you’ll bring your best hygiene practices.
**ANGLE ON COFFEE SHOP DOOR**
They stand up simultaneously, ready to part ways, leaving behind a table filled with remnants of their peculiar date—and perhaps lingering questions about life’s whims.
**DFF**
*(pointing to the exit)*
Next time, the stars will align, and the smiling asteroids will guide our way!
**GG**
*(playfully rolls eyes)*
If by stars, you mean decent food, I’m in!
As they exit together, laughter echoes back into the eccentric coffee shop, leaving behind the soundtrack of an extraordinary encounter between two beings navigating the absurd landscape of modern love.
**FADE OUT.**
Edition of 1, recorded in 2022, fall.