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IS A EAR OD – s/t c60 + insert**
It began with a question that could only be asked in space:
> “So… anyone here ever had surgery on Neptune?”
No one raised a hand, which was convenient because **the patient was already floating in zero-G**.
The surgeon, Dr. Mirth, consulted the IS A EAR OD insert while adjusting his gravity boots.
> *“European chafer grubs may be everywhere in Michigan… but up here, at least, you only have Neptune problems.”*
He winked at the floating nurse, who replied,
> “Better hope the grubs didn’t take the last shuttle.”
---
### **I. THE PATIENT ARRIVES**
The patient—a blueish, slightly gelatinous humanoid named Zog—floated onto the operating table, tethered only by a web of neon tubes and jokes.
“Zog,” said Dr. Mirth, “if this surgery goes wrong, blame the punchline.”
Zog blinked three times, a cosmic way of laughing.
---
### **II. SETTING UP THE EQUIPMENT**
The instruments hovered like European chafer grubs in a soil tray—curled, pale, and oddly persistent.
Dr. Mirth held a scalpel.
> “Why did the skeleton refuse to operate on Neptune?”
> Zog paused for effect.
> “Because it didn’t have the guts… yet.”
The scalpel giggled, the lights flickered, and the surgery began.
---
### **III. INCISION WITH A JOKE**
Dr. Mirth made the first cut.
> “You know, Neptune is mostly gas. So if this goes wrong, it’ll just… blow over.”
The anesthesiologist, an artificial intelligence shaped like a giant ear, recorded it as *s/t c60* for archival purposes.
> Insert note: “European chafers used to be regional… now everywhere. Kind of like our humor in space—spreading fast.”
---
### **IV. FINDING THE TROUBLE SPOT**
Inside Zog, Dr. Mirth discovered a **knot of floating organs**, tangled like lawn roots with invisible grubs crawling between them.
> “Looks like European chafer larvae in the circulatory system,” he quipped.
> “Don’t worry—they only chew metaphors.”
One of the floating instruments fell into the knot and popped out perfectly cleaned.
> “See? Even grubs appreciate a sterile laugh.”
---
### **V. SUTURING WITH PUNCHLINES**
Sutures were tied not with thread but with jokes, each loop a quip:
* “Why did the nebula refuse dessert?” → “It was already full of stars!”
* “How many Martians does it take to change a light bulb?” → “None—they just call for a supernova.”
* “European chafer larvae may infest turf…” → “But they don’t touch cosmic humor.”
The patient seemed to float more comfortably after each punchline.
---
### **VI. RECOVERY IN ZERO-G**
After an hour, Dr. Mirth leaned back.
> “Surgery complete. Zog, you survived Neptune, European chafer grubs, and my jokes. Which means you’re probably immortal now.”
The floating nurse applauded, accidentally knocking a floating tray of imaginary scalpel-grub hybrids into orbit.
Zog floated toward the observation window and said,
> “I feel… lighter. And my insides are ticklish. Is that normal?”
Dr. Mirth nodded gravely:
> “Perfectly. That’s just cosmic humor circulating through your bloodstream.”
---
### **VII. EPILOGUE**
Back on Earth—well, back in memory—reports came in:
> European chafers are everywhere in Michigan, northern Indiana, Ohio, Illinois, and Ontario.
> Neptune surgery has yet to catch on there.
Dr. Mirth turned to the insert:
> “Next time, we’ll try a small intestine with a knock-knock joke. And maybe some preventive grub control.”
Zog waved a gelatinous appendage.
> “I vote yes. But only if the punchlines are strong.”
The cassette clicked, the neon lights dimmed, and the first surgery on Neptune—funny, grub-infested, and entirely improbable—entered legend whilst listening to this tape which was an unduplicated edition of 1.