$25.00
Closet find with new cover of ancient BR release. Edition of 1.
*CLOSET FIND**
## **Ancient BR Release — New Cover Edition**
### **7" Single + Tar Pit Drinkers Archive + Impossible Story Collection**
### *All Stories From Today Mixed Together Into One Unstable Artifact Found Behind A Wall That Was Not Supposed To Exist*
---
## THE CLOSET
The closet was discovered at 3:17 in the morning.
Or 3:17 tomorrow.
Nobody agreed.
The person who opened it claimed they were searching for a coat.
The closet disagreed.
The closet said:
"You are searching for history."
Inside was a box.
Inside the box:
A 7" record.
Inside the record:
A thousand stories.
Inside the stories:
A tiny animal wearing a crown made from old pizza boxes.
The animal said:
"Finally. Someone found the collection."
---
The label on the record read:
# CLOSET FIND
### NEW COVER OF AN ANCIENT BR RELEASE
Nobody knew what BR meant.
Possible meanings:
* Backward Record
* Buried Reality
* Broken Room
* Before Remembering
The record itself answered:
> "All of them."
---
# SIDE A:
## THE STORY THAT ATE THE OTHER STORIES
The needle drops.
The first sound:
A factory.
The second sound:
A lake.
The third sound:
A shark.
The fourth sound:
A confused historian pigeon.
The fifth sound:
A stomach making a very serious complaint.
---
The entire day of stories begins collapsing into one giant impossible universe.
---
## THE INSECT TONGUE FACTORY RETURNS
RE A ENTIRE appears first.
The overseer of the insect tongue factory.
Still speaking:
# SHEVVARIK
Forward:
> "Tal vek urro naa shent."
Backward:
> "Tnehs aan orru kev lat."
Meaning:
"The corridor remembers every creature that crossed it."
---
The factory is still producing languages.
Every insect receives a different tongue.
The ants receive:
# RUKH-RUKH
The beetles receive:
# GRONTHIC
The roaches receive:
# LLEMNOIR
The humans receive:
"confused."
---
## THE PLUTO ROMANCE SECTION
RED ALL returns carrying the shortened light year.
The light year is angry.
It says:
"I was supposed to be distance."
RED ALL says:
"You are now a love story."
The distance accepts this promotion.
---
The Pluto graph:
```text id="w8k3nv"
DISTANCE
Before love:
##################################
After love:
########
After argument:
########################################
After apology:
############
```
---
## THE JEALOUS NEPTUNE ANIMAL ARRIVES
The creature from Neptune enters.
Still jealous.
Still angry.
Still searching for the greatest tombstone pizza ever made.
It sees the ancient BR record.
It asks:
"Does this record contain pizza?"
The record answers:
"Everything contains pizza eventually."
The animal cries.
Then celebrates.
Then eats a pizza-shaped moon.
---
# SIDE B:
## THE TAR PIT DRINKERS
Nobody knows who they are.
The Tar Pit Drinkers live beneath the oldest part of the closet.
They drink:
* ancient memories,
* fossilized songs,
* forgotten advertisements,
* unfinished movie reviews.
They do not drink normal liquids.
They claim normal liquids have "too much future."
---
Their language:
# MUDDOR-77
Forward:
> "Kraal vesh tumora."
Backward:
> "Aromut hsev laark."
Translation:
"The past is thirsty."
---
The Tar Pit Drinkers discover the medical insert.
They become fascinated.
---
# THE STOMACH ACID INSERT
Hidden inside the 7" sleeve is a scientific page.
It reads:
> High stomach acid is most commonly treated with medication. Proton pump inhibitors (PPIs) work to lower stomach acid. Your doctor may prescribe PPIs by themselves. Sometimes, PPIs are prescribed with other medications.
The Tar Pit Drinkers stop drinking tar.
For twelve seconds.
They discuss.
A committee forms.
The committee becomes a rock.
The rock becomes a doctor.
Nobody knows why.
---
The insert continues:
> Other treatments will depend on the suspected cause of these high acid levels.
The ancient BR cover changes.
It now shows:
A stomach.
A shark.
A factory.
A pizza.
A tiny microphone.
A closet.
All connected by one line.
---
The treatments listed:
* antibiotics
* dietary changes
* surgery to remove tumors, part of the stomach (gastrectomy), or part of the vagus nerve (vagotomy)
The record turns this into a strange opera.
Title:
# "THE ACID KINGDOM"
---
## TRACK LISTING
### Track 1:
**Jaws In The Closet**
The shark discovers a coat rack.
The coat rack discovers fear.
The fear becomes a movie review.
---
### Track 2:
**A A AM — The End Of God**
A forgotten box set inside another box.
The final disc contains the first disc.
The first disc contains the ending.
---
### Track 3:
**Phonemic Paraphasias**
The broken word surgery returns.
A surgeon fixes a sentence.
The sentence falls in love.
---
### Track 4:
**A.L.M. Audio Musica Lingual**
A record plays every language ever invented.
The record skips.
The skip becomes a new language.
---
### Track 5:
**THE LET ME Zoo**
The zoo clock moves backward.
The animals arrive before birth.
The fish remember tomorrow.
---
# THE ANCIENT BR COVER ART
The new cover shows:
A closet door.
Half open.
Inside:
A lake.
Inside the lake:
A factory.
Inside the factory:
A movie theater.
Inside the movie theater:
A doctor holding a pizza.
Inside the pizza:
A tiny universe.
---
The back cover says:
"OPEN CAREFULLY."
The bottom says:
"YOU ALREADY DID."
---
# THE FINAL GRAPHS FROM THE ARCHIVE
## STORY DENSITY
```text id="q2v8pk"
Normal story
#####
Today's story
########################################
Closet version
##################################################
```
---
## CONFUSION LEVEL
```text id="x0h1pe"
Beginning
########
Middle
##########################
Ending
??????????????????????????????
```
---
## RECORD SURVIVAL
```text id="m4d9zn"
First play
##########
Second play
#####################
1000th play
####################################
```
---