$50.00
**A RENCE LOCK – “Hit List” (4c45 + sculpture + story insert box set)**
*or: The Motion Picture That Was Somehow On Fire Underwater and Still Needed Lawn Care Advice*
The movie began with a disclaimer:
> *“This film is composed entirely of fire, filmed underwater, and legally counts as both a documentary and a soup.”*
No one questioned it. They were too busy opening the **A RENCE LOCK “Hit List”** box set, which included:
* 4 cassettes that rewound themselves into the future
* a sculpture shaped like a shopping cart melting into a violin
* a story insert that kept updating its own footnotes
* and a small, judgmental label that read:
**“Check the bag or bottle.”**
---
### SCENE 1 — *Between the Fractured Realities*
The protagonist, a man named **Receipt Dave**, walks through two realities at once:
* In Reality A, everything is on fire underwater
* In Reality B, he is at a garden center holding a bag of something suspicious
The fire behaves politely, bubbling instead of crackling. Fish roast marshmallows on it.
Dave reads the bag:
> “Active ingredient: ???”
The bag refuses to elaborate.
A nearby coral reef leans in and whispers:
> “Check the bag or bottle, Dave. The label is the plot.”
---
### SCENE 2 — *Shop Territory of the Vanishing Marketplace*
The marketplace appears and disappears depending on whether anyone believes in it. Vendors shout nonsense:
* “Fresh void! Two for one!”
* “Discount gravity! Slightly used!”
* “I’ve got products that DEFINITELY don’t work underground!”
Dave approaches a clerk who is clearly made of steam.
“Will this control grubs?” Dave asks.
The clerk proudly presents two glowing items:
* One labeled **permethrin**
* One labeled **bifenthrin**
Neither mentions grubs anywhere.
The clerk winks.
The products immediately burst into harmless decorative fireworks.
---
### GRAPH: PRODUCT CONFIDENCE VS ACTUAL USEFULNESS
```id="funny-graph-1"
Confidence
|
| 100 |███████████████ (Clerk enthusiasm)
| 80 |██████████
| 60 |███████
| 40 |████
| 20 |██ (Actual effectiveness underground)
| 0 |_
Truth →
```
Dave sighs. The sculpture from the box set nods knowingly.
---
### SCENE 3 — *Flash Final: Lights in the Chromatic Void*
The film suddenly becomes extremely artistic.
Lights flash in colors that do not exist yet. A narrator booms:
> “DO NOT USE PRODUCTS CONTAINING ONLY—”
The sentence echoes while flaming jellyfish drift by holding cue cards:
* lambda-cyhalothrin ❌
* gamma-cyhalothrin ❌
* bifenthrin ❌
* deltamethrin ❌
* cyfluthrin ❌
* permethrin ❌
Each jellyfish shrugs apologetically.
> “We work great above ground,” they say,
> “but we absolutely refuse to go downstairs.”
---
### SCENE 4 — *Out of the Heat, Into the Ethereal Depths*
Dave dives deeper into the ocean-fire film.
Here, everything slows down, including bad decisions.
A wise octopus wearing reading glasses explains:
> “Preventive compounds are like invitations.
> You don’t send them in March for a July party.”
The octopus gestures with a tentacle labeled:
* clothianidin (June/July only)
* thiamethoxam (June/July only)
* imidacloprid (also June/July, stop rushing)
Dave writes this down, but the ink turns into bubbles and floats away.
---
### GRAPH: TIMING VS REGRET
```id="funny-graph-2"
Regret
|
| 100 |██████████████ (Applied too early)
| 80 |██████████
| 60 |███████
| 40 |████
| 20 |██
| 0 |_ (Applied correctly in summer)
Timing →
```
---
### SCENE 5 — *Crystal Whispers in the Void*
The crystals begin whispering:
> “Use things when they matter…
> not when you panic-buy them…”
Dave nods. The fire applauds underwater.
---
### SCENE 6 — *The Run Through Shadow Time*
Dave runs. Time stretches like melted plastic.
Behind him, every bad product he almost bought chases him yelling:
> “WE WERE CONVENIENT!”
> “WE HAD NICE PACKAGING!”
He escapes by reading labels out loud. Each correct ingredient dissolves one pursuer.
---
### SCENE 7 — *Testlab of Forgotten Dreams*
Inside a lab made of expired coupons, scientists test theories like:
* “What if fire preferred water?”
* “What if labels were honest?”
* “What if Dave finally understood anything?”
Results are inconclusive but entertaining.
---
### SCENE 8 — *Charly the Kid and the Lost Dimension*
Charly appears briefly, holding a sign:
> “STILL CHECKING LABELS.”
He vanishes into a shopping cart singularity.
---
### SCENE 9 — *Escaping the Point of No Return*
Dave reaches the final scene: a glowing checkout line.
The cashier is the sculpture from the box set.
It scans his choices:
**BEEP** — wrong timing
**BEEP** — wrong ingredient
**BEEP** — emotional purchase
Finally:
**BEEP** — correct decision
The underwater fire dims approvingly.
---
### FINAL GRAPH: UNDERSTANDING VS CHAOS
```id="funny-graph-3"
Understanding
|
| 100 |██████████████
| 80 |██████████
| 60 |███████
| 40 |████
| 20 |██
| 0 |_
Movie Runtime →
```
---
### ENDING
Numbered one time edition of 1.